SUBJECTS: Visit to Melbourne; Dj Albo; Glasgow summit; texting Scott Morrison; Australia’s relationship with France; Wi-Fi on planes; AFL teams; ‘No further questions’ game; Russell Crowe.
 
ANTHONY ALBANESE, LEADER OF THE AUSTRALIAN LABOR PARTY: That was Justin Bieber and Kid Laroi, You're on KIIS 101.1 with Jase and Lauren in the morning.
 
HOST: Our very special guest, Anthony Albanese.
 
HOST: Guest DJ.
 
HOST: Good morning.
 
ALBANESE: It's been a while since I did that.
 
HOST: Did you use to work the decks at a club or something, mate?
 
ALBANESE: No, it started with, you might be aware of it, the community cup for Reclink.
 
HOST: Right.
 
ALBANESE: I started doing some charity stuff for them and then it went a bit crazy. And people kind of like the idea of a daggy old MP playing stuff I like. And I played the Corner Hotel in Richmond. It was my biggest gig.
 
HOST: Great spot.
 
ALBANESE: I went there and the guy I was with, I was like, 'Are you serious? This is a serious venue and I'm just having a bit of fun'. And they were like, 'No, people come, it's Melbourne'. And they did.
 
HOST: And what were some of the tunes you rolled out?
 
ALBANESE: I played an all-Melbourne playlist.
 
HOST: Political. Smart. Well played.
 
HOST: Well, I actually think you did a much better job than Jase.
 
ALBANESE: Nick Cave, it was good.
 
HOST: Well, be on standby in case I'm sick. Mate, welcome back to Melbourne. I know since lockdown and stuff it's been a while since you've been here. Can we bring up the photo you just showed me? Was it the ABC you were on yesterday?
 
ALBANESE: It was.
 
HOST: Right. And how is this? They made Albo, he wasn't allowed in the studio. He had to sit out in the hallway at a desk.
 
ALBANESE: At a desk it was.
 
HOST: Albo, how did that make you feel.
 
ALBANESE: It was okay. Poor old Raf Epstein came out and said, 'Sorry, mate, this is rule'. I go, 'Well, I made the effort to come into the studio'.
 
HOST: And then you sat in the hallway.
 
HOST: We were going to have you on a mic’ in the carpark.
 
HOST: It is a funny time though with all kinds of funny rules. I imagine even doing the rounds for you is very different to normal.
 
ALBANESE: It certainly is. It's been the strangest time to be Opposition Leader. And you know, it hasn't been politics as usual. Obviously, the pandemic has dominated everything.
 
HOST: Are you a little bit jealous that you got Melbourne and ScoMo is in Glasgow?
 
ALBANESE: No, not at all. I love Melbourne. I don't think he enjoyed Glasgow, I've got to tell you.
 
HOST: He looked a bit lonely on photo day, didn't he?
 
ALBANESE: He did. Reminded me of his trip to Cobargo, trying to shake hands with people who didn't really want to shake his hand.
 
HOST: I know him and the French President haven't gotten along too well lately? This is what he said about Scomo.
 
PRESIDENT MACRON: I have a lot of respect for your country. When we have respect, you have true and you have to behave in line and consistently with this value.
 
JOURNALIST: Do you think he lied to you?
 
MACRON: I don't think, I know.
 
HOST: Five cut-through words, weren't they?
 
HOST: 'I don't think, I know'.
 
ALBANESE: I think people remember that. And then Malcolm Turnbull doubled down yesterday. He knows Scott pretty well.
 
HOST: Here's a question. Do you and ScoMo have each other's mobile numbers?
 
ALBANESE: Yes.
 
HOST: Do you chat to each other?
 
ALBANESE: We do. Not much, really. We occasionally text each other.
 
HOST: Does he always answer?
 
ALBANESE: Yes. We don't ring each other that often.
 
HOST: Can we give him a call? I'd love to see if you call him on speaker.
 
ALBANESE: I can't do that.
 
HOST: What about a text?
 
ALBANESE: That would be a breach.
 
HOST: What about if we send him a cheeky text like, 'Morning, how's Glasgow? Thinking of you.'
 
ALBANESE: I could send a text. I think he's on his plane on the way back.
 
HOST: He is on the way home.
 
ALBANESE: He would have Wi-Fi on the plane, surely. At the end of this break, let's shoot him a text going into the song and see if he responds by the end of the interview.
 
HOST: Let's see.
 
HOST: What are you doing while you're in Melbourne?
 
ALBANESE: Yesterday, I went out to a Sikh temple at Plumpton that was terrific. They've made 180,000 meals for people with volunteers during the bushfires and then the pandemic.
 
HOST: They are quite extraordinary out there.
 
ALBANESE: They are just amazing people. And it's Diwali today so it's a big ceremony where they celebrate through their faith, the victory of lightness over darkness, basically. And that's a really positive optimistic thing that they do. And they were just really welcoming people. I was out there with Sam Rae, our new candidate in that electorate. And then I went to Ballarat. I went to a senior citz’ centre and then came back and did some media yesterday afternoon.
 
HOST: I just put my mum into one of those places. She's just moved into one. They have like happy hour and stuff like that. Cheap booze at about four until five.
 
HOST: Albo, can I give you a tip if you're going to win hearts here in Melbourne. You've got your Rabbitohs facemask on that you've been wandering around with. I think you're going to have to upgrade it and get like a Melbourne Demons one or a Richmond Tigers. You got to get you into an AFL team.
 
ALBANESE: I am in an AFL team. I have been an AFL fan for a long period of time. We didn't do real well.
 
HOST: Who is your team?
 
ALBANESE: Well, it's politically not terribly savvy decision I made. I'm a Hawks man.
 
HOST: Everyone loves the Hawks.
 
ALBANESE: I'm a Hawks man. I drove down to the '89 Grand Final which is seen as being the best grand final ever, perhaps. Ablett kicked nine in the losing side.
 
HOST: He did.
 
ALBANESE: And it was awesome. And then I've been to quite a few grand finals and games.
 
HOST: The team that travel with you need like a briefcase and you have a face mask for each team depending on what area you are in.
 
ALBANESE: No, you can't change teams. That is the other bloke.
 
HOST: I'm a Tigers fan but because I also love the Dees and they were in the grand final this, I got on the Dees.
 
ALBANESE: I got on the Dees this year, you had to. They hadn't won '64. And Souths went from '71 to 2014. So, I know what it's like to have a long drought. 43 years.
 
HOST: We've got Christian Petracca part of this show. And he made us all a pretty penny with the old Norm Smith Medal.
 
ALBANESE: It was an extraordinary game. They just came home like a train.
 
HOST: Just a shame we couldn't have it at the G. Hey, we're going to go to a break. We're going to play Elton John and Dua Lipa, which no doubt you drop in the club. On the other side of this, a new game we've been playing. It's called 'No further questions'. Ten personal questions. When it gets too personal, you just say, 'No further question', and you can bail out.
 
ALBANESE: Okay. Can I do it now?
 
HOST: No.
 
HOST: While I play Elton John, can we text ScoMo?
 
ALBANESE: We can do that.
 
HOST: I want to see if he's going to reply. Do you use emojis when you text?
 
ALBANESE: No. It is a very serious relationship.
 
HOST: I want to see the screen and see how much blue compared to the replies as well. All right, Anthony Albanese is on the air with us this morning.
 
***
 
HOST: You're on the air with Jase and Lauren. Anthony Albanese, Opposition Leader, is joining us in the studio. Hey, Clint in the newsroom, chuck your headphones on so you can hear Clint there, Albo. We just texted ScoMo a photo of us three.
 
ALBANESE: He'll probably leak it.
 
HOST: What did you type in the text?
 
HOST: Did you send a message or just a photo?
 
ALBANESE: I sent a message.
 
HOST: What did it say?
 
ALBANESE: Just saying, 'They asked to see if you will reply'.
 
HOST: Good call.
 
HOST: We believe he might be on a plane back from Glasgow currently. If he does reply once we say goodbye to you, please let us know.
 
HOST: He is probably watching an episode of Modern Family up there.
 
ALBANESE: He probably is.
 
HOST: The day Wi-Fi came onto planes was a really sad day for everyone who travelled a lot for work.
 
ALBANESE: Obviously, I was the Aviation Minister for a while and the department came to us and said, 'Oh, we've got this new technology. Blah, blah, blah'. Because you had to have it approved. And I was like, 'Why would people want that?'
 
HOST: It is the only time you can switch off.
 
HOST: I just want to watch a movie and I'll check in with the kids two hours. Did you say you guys chat on Signal as well?
 
ALBANESE: We talk on all sorts of things occasionally.
 
HOST: You're up with it. Alright, I'm looking forward to this. All right, Anthony Albanese. No further questions. How it works - ten questions, they get more personal as we go along. The minute we hit a question where you want to bail out, all you have to say is, 'No further questions'.
 
HOST: Here we go. What do you wear to bed?
 
ALBANESE: That's pretty personal. Nothing.
 
HOST: You are a nudist. You were staring in my eyes when you said that.
 
HOST: Can we put him out in the hallway on the desk now?
 
HOST: To be honest, I was expecting like flannel pyjamas with ducks on them or something.
 
ALBANESE: Nope.
 
HOST: What if there is a home invasion? You are the Opposition Leader, imagine that footage getting out.
 
ALBANESE: Well, I think if there's a home invasion, the footage isn't the real problem. The home invasion, that's the point of a home invasion.
 
HOST: Wow. Okay, Anthony Albanese, what did you last cry over?
 
ALBANESE: Oh, gee whiz. There is any number of things. I almost cry when Souths lost the Grand Final by two points. Two points.
 
HOST: I bet that would make any big fan cry.
 
ALBANESE: That was pretty sad. I didn't really cry. But I was sad.
 
HOST: So, you are dodging the question.
 
ALBANESE: I gave you the answer. I am not a big crier.
 
HOST: You're not? What about a movie? You cry in a movie?
 
ALBANESE: Oh, I can cry in a movie. I'm a bit of a sook.
 
HOST: Anyone that watches Armageddon and doesn't tear up when he rips that badge off is just cold-hearted.
 
HOST: The next question is what was your last drunken regret?
 
ALBANESE: Oh, gee. Probably being drunk. That's the regret itself.
 
HOST: The next day, it always is.
 
HOST: How often are you on the lemonades?
 
ALBANESE: Well, I went six months without having a single drop of alcohol. So, I've been on a get fit for the campaign.
 
HOST: Oh, well, you look great.
 
ALBANESE: Thank you.
 
HOST: You're welcome.
 
ALBANESE: If I was out in the corridor, she wouldn't know that.
 
HOST: If you get the top job, I'll take you out on a bender to celebrate. Anthony Albanese, what were you last fined for?
 
ALBANESE: Last fined for?
 
HOST: Any trouble with the popo?
 
ALBANESE: No, no, I haven't had issues there. When would the last fine have been? I can't remember.
 
HOST: Very well behaved.
 
HOST: As Opposition Leader, do you get police escorts or security?
 
ALBANESE: No. I shouldn't answer that. So, I have various security available at various time.
 
HOST: 000. But what about like ahead of the election?
 
ALBANESE: When the election is, on both sides have security and I can have security whenever I ask for it.
 
HOST: Is there a moment where you're like, 'It's pretty cool to be rocking some bodyguards?'
 
ALBANESE: No, not really. I had, a few years ago, they came to me and said prior to election day, they said there's been some various threats and we want to give you security on the day. I said, 'Okay. But can it be subtle? Can I drive it?' 'No, you can't drive yourself. We'll be there'. So, we met outside. I walked outside my house to meet them at seven o'clock in the morning. There was a guy there, he was 6'10. He was in an all-white suit.
 
HOST: All white?
 
ALBANESE: He looked like something out of a James Bond movie.
 
HOST: Subtle.
 
ALBANESE: He was huge and there was a man and a woman and were both unbelievable. They looked like fit supermodels, but trained killers. And they had to wear coats, of course, because they were “packing”. So, it was a really hot day and I walk out to these polling booths with one either side. 'Vote for me or else'.
 
HOST: Alright, next question, Anthony Albanese.
 
HOST: Now, we know you're very prolific on social media. Are you guilty of looking up exes on social media?
 
ALBANESE: No.
 
HOST: Straight out no.
 
HOST: Straight out.
 
HOST: Smart. That's good.
 
HOST: Anthony Albanese, remember at any time you can say, 'No further questions'.
 
ALBANESE: I am doing okay here. How many are we through?
 
HOST: You got about five to go. You're halfway. What did you last see a doctor about?
 
ALBANESE: Last see a doctor about? Well, I know what that was. I almost died in a car crash in January. It was full-on. Like a foot either way, head-on car crash.
 
HOST: How are you now?
 
ALBANESE: I'm good. The good thing is, I am a bloke in my 50s, we're hopeless, blokes in their 50s at seeing doctors, but now I reckon I'm the fittest I've ever been because I've been through an orthopaedic surgeon, a haematologist and a cardiologist. Everything checked out.
 
HOST: Good.
 
ALBANESE: So, I am fit and ready to go.
 
HOST: Anthony Albanese, has a celebrity of slid into your DMs?
 
ALBANESE: Oh, yeah, a few.
 
HOST: Just give us one.
 
ALBANESE: Rusty. Russell Crowe.
 
HOST: Jase always slides into Rusty's DMs and he never replies.
 
HOST: I got on the booze and I watched The Loudest Voice series. And for some reason I gave him feedback on his acting. Never replied. What did Russell say to you?
 
ALBANESE: Rusty, we were chatting about the Grand Final.
 
HOST: We texted the wrong person this morning.
 
ALBANESE: He is a good fella.
 
HOST: Anthony Albanese, remove a mirror from this situation when you go into bed. Who was the last person you saw naked?
 
ALBANESE: I am not in a position to say. I am not answering.
 
HOST: So, are you saying no further questions?
 
ALBANESE: I am saying no further questions.
 
HOST: Thank you for being a good sport this morning.
 
HOST: Just quickly, we got a reply from ScoMo?
 
ALBANESE: Nothing.
 
HOST: Same story with Jase and Russell Crowe. Let's see who replies first, Rusty or ScoMo.
 
ALBANESE: It'll be leaked. So, read about it.
 
HOST: Let us know. Mate, swing by the studio anytime when you're in Melbourne. Always good to chat. Anthony Albanese joining us on the air.
 
ENDS